The Daily Panorama Picture

10/31/2006





When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take
it out on someone, don't take it out on someone you know, take it out
on someone you don't know.
I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a phone call I'd forgotten
to make. I found the number and dialled it. A man answered, saying
"Hello." I Politely said, "This is David. Could I please speak with
Robert Campbell ?"
Suddenly a manic voice yelled out in my ear "Get the right f*kin number!"
and the phone was slammed down on me. I couldn't believe that anyone
could be so rude. When I tracked down Robert's correct number to call
him, I found that I had accidentally transposed the last two digits.
After hanging up with him, I decided to call the 'wrong' number again.
When the same guy answered the phone, I yelled "You're a C*nt!" and
hung up. I wrote his number down with the word 'C*nt' next to it, and
put it in my desk drawer. Every couple of weeks, when I was paying
bills or had a really bad day, I'd call him up and yell, "You're a
C*nt!" It always cheered me up.
When Caller ID was introduced, I thought my therapeutic "C*nt" calling
would have to stop. So, I called his number and said,"Hi, this is John
Smith from BT . I'm calling to see if you're familiar with our Caller
ID Program?"
He yelled "NO!" and slammed down the phone. I quickly called him back
and said, "That's because you're a C*nt!"
One day I was at Lakeside Shopping Centre, getting ready to pull into
a parking spot. Some guy in a gunmetal grey Land Rover cut me off and
pulled into the spot I had patiently waited for. I hit the horn and
> yelled that I'd been waiting for that spot, but the idiot ignored me.
> I noticed a "For Sale" sign in his back window, so I wrote down his number.
> A couple of days later, right after calling the first C*nt (I had his
> number on speed dial,) I thought that I'd better call the Land Rover
> C*nt, too.
> I said, "Is this the man with the gunmetal grey Land Rover for sale?"
> Yes, it is", he said.
> "Can you tell me where I can see it?" I asked.
> "Yes, I live at 129 Alice Street, in Ilford. It's a terraced house,
> and the car's parked right out in front."
> "What's your name?" I asked.
> "My name is Steve Hansen," he said.
> "When's a good time to catch you, Steve?"
> "I'm home most days as I'm currently unemployed."
> "Listen, Steve, can I tell you something?" "Yes?" "Steve, you're a C*nt!"
> Then I hung up, and added his number to my speed dial, too. Now, when
> I had a problem, I had two a**eholes to call.
> Then one day I came up with an idea.
> I called C*nt #1.
> "Hello?"
> "You're a C*nt!" (But I didn't hang up.)
> "Are you still there?" he asked.
> "Yeah," I said.
> "Stop calling me," he screamed.
> "Make me," I said.
> "Who are you?" he asked.
> "My name is Steve Hansen."
> "Yeah? Where do you live?"
> "I live at 129 Alice Street, Ilford, a terraced house, with my
> gunmetal grey Land Rover parked out the front."
> He said, "I'm coming over right now, Steve. And you had better start
> saying your prayers."
> I said, "Yeah, like I'm really scared, C*nt," and hung up.
> Then I called C*nt #2. "Hello?" he said.
> "Hello, C*nt," I said.
> He yelled, "If I ever find out who you are..."
> "You'll do what?" I said.
> "I'll kick your a*se," he exclaimed.
> I answered, "Well, C*nt, here's your chance. I'm coming over right now."
> Then I hung up and immediately called the police, saying that I lived
> at
> 129 Alice Street, Ilford , and that I was on my way over there to kill
> my gay lover.
> Then I called Channel 5 News about the hoodie war going down in Alice
> Street, Ilford .
> I quickly got into my car and headed over to Alice Street.
> I got there just in time to watch two C*nts beating the cr*p out of
> each other in front of six police cars, an overhead police helicopter
> and a News crew.
> Now I feel MUCH better.
> Take it from me, anger management really works...

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