Barrydublin
The DayShift<
Barrydublin

> The following excerpts are actual answers given on history
tests and in
> Sunday school quizzes by children between fifth and 6th grade
ages. They
> were collected over a period of three years by two teachers.
>
>
>
> Ancient Egypt was old. It was inhabited by gypsies and mummies
who all
> wrote in hydraulics. They lived in the Sarah Dessert. The
climate of the
> Sarah is such that all the inhabitants have to live elsewhere.
>
>
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>
> Moses led the Hebrew slaves to the Red Sea where they made
unleavened
> bread, which is bread made without any ingredients. Moses went
up on Mount
> Cyanide to get the ten commandos. He died before he ever
reached Canada
> but the commandos made it.
>
>
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>
> Solomon had three hundred wives and seven hundred porcupines.
He was a
> actual hysterical figure as well as being in the bible. It
sounds like he
> was sort of busy too.
>
>
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>
> The Greeks were a highly sculptured people, and without them
we wouldn't
> have history. The Greeks also had myths. A myth is a young
female moth.
>
>
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>
> Socrates was a famous old Greek teacher who went around giving
people
> advice. They killed him. He later died from an overdose of
wedlock which
> is apparently poisonous. After his death, his career suffered
a dramatic
> decline.
>
>
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>
> In the first Olympic games, Greeks ran races, jumped, hurled
biscuits, and
> threw the java. The games were messier then than they show on
tv now.
>
>
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>
> Julius Caesar extinguished himself on the battlefields of
Gaul. The Ides
> of March murdered him because they thought he was going to be
made king.
> Dying, he gasped out: "Same to you, Brutus."
>
>
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>
> Joan of Arc was burnt to a steak and was canonized by Bernard
Shaw for
> reasons I don't really understand. The English and French
still have
> problems.
>
>
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>
> Queen Elizabeth was the "Virgin Queen," As a queen she was a
success. When
> she exposed herself before her troops they all shouted
"hurrah!" and that
> was the end of the fighting for a long while.
>
>
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>
> It was an age of great inventions and discoveries. Gutenberg
invented
> removable type and the Bible. Another important invention was
the
> circulation of blood.
>
>
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>
> Sir Walter Raleigh is a historical figure because he invented
cigarettes
> and started smoking.
>
>
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>
> Sir Francis Drake circumcised the world with a 100 foot
clipper which was
> very dangerous to all his men.
>
>
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>
> The greatest writer of the Renaissance was William
Shakespeare. He was
> born in the year 1564, supposedly on his birthday. He never
made much
> money and is famous only because of his plays. He wrote
> tragedies,comedies,and hysterectomies, all in Islamic
pentameter.
>
>
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>
> Romeo and Juliet are an example of a heroic couple. They lived
in Italy.
> Romeo's last wish was to be laid by Juliet but her father was
having none
> of that that I'm sure. You know how Italian fathers are.
>
>
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>
> Writing at the same time as Shakespeare was Miguel Cervantes.
He wrote
> Donkey Hote. The next great author was John Milton. Milton
wrote Paradise
> Lost. Since then no one ever found it.
>
>
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>
> Delegates from the original 13 states formed the Contented
Congress.
> Thomas Jefferson, a Virgin, and Benjamin Franklin were two
singers of the
> Declaration of Independence. Franklin discovered electricity
by rubbing
> two cats backward and also declared, "A horse divided against
itself
> cannot stand." He was a naturalist for sure. Franklin died in
1790 and is
> still dead.
>
>
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>
> Abraham Lincoln became America's greatest Precedent. Lincoln's
mother died
> in infancy, and he was born in a log cabin which he built with
his own
> hands. Abraham Lincoln freed the slaves by signing the
Emasculation
> Proclamation.
>
>
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>
> On the night of April 14, 1865, Lincoln went to the theater
and got shot
> in his seat by one of the actors in a moving picture show.
They believe
> the assinator was John Wilkes Booth, a supposingly insane
actor. This
> ruined Booth's career.
>
>
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>
> Johann Bach wrote a great many musical compositions and had a
large number
> of children. In between he practiced on an old spinster which
he kept up
> in his attic. Bach died from 1750 to the present. Bach was the
most famous
> composer in the world and so was Handel. Handel was half
German, half
> Italian, and half English. He was very large.
>
>
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>
> Beethoven wrote music even though he was deaf. He was so deaf
that he
> wrote loud music and became the father of rock and roll. He
took long
> walks in the forest even when everyone was calling for him.
Beethoven
> expired in 1827 and later died for this.
>
>
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>
> The nineteenth century was a time of a great many thoughts and
inventions.
> People stopped reproducing by hand and started reproducing by
machine. The
> invention of the steamboat caused a network of rivers to
spring up.
>
>
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>
> Louis Pasteur discovered a cure for rabbits but I don't know
why.
>
>
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>
> Charles Darwin was a naturalist. He wrote the Organ of the
Species. It was
> very long people got upset about it and had trials to see if
it was really
> true. He sort of said God's days were not just 24 hours but
without
> watches who knew anyhow? I don't get it.
>
>
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>
> Madman Curie discovered radio. She was the first woman to do
what she did.
> Other women have become scientists since her but they didn't
get to find
> radios because they were already taken.
>
>
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>
> Karl Marx was one of the Marx Brothers. The other three were
in the
> movies. Karl made speeches and started revolutions. Someone in
the family
> had to have a job, I guess.