Fuck Ye

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Some of these are a bit cringe-worthy, I make no apologies...

Fun Puns

-- Those who jump off a bridge in Paris are in Seine.

-- A backward poet writes inverse.

-- A man's home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.

-- Dijon vu - the same mustard as before.

-- Practice safe eating - always use condiments.

-- Shotgun wedding: A case of wife or death.

-- A man needs a mistress just to break the monogamy.

-- A hangover is the wrath of grapes.

-- Dancing cheek-to-cheek is really a form of floor play.

-- Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?

-- Condoms should be used on every conceivable occasion.

-- Reading while sunbathing makes you well red.

-- When two egotists meet, it's an I for an I.

-- A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is two tired.

-- What's the definition of a will? (It's a dead giveaway.)

-- Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

-- In democracy your vote counts. In feudalism your count votes.

-- She was engaged to a boyfriend with a wooden leg but broke it off!

-- A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.

-- If you don't pay your exorcist, you get repossessed.

-- With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.

-- When a clock is hungry, it goes back four seconds.

-- The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.

-- You feel stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.

-- Local Area Network in Australia: the LAN down under.

-- He often broke into song because he couldn't find the key.

-- Every calendar's days are numbered.

-- A lot of money is tainted - It taint yours and it taint mine.

-- A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.

-- He had a photographic memory that was never developed.

-- A plateau is a high form of flattery.

-- A midget fortune-teller who escapes from prison is a small medium at large.

-- Once you've seen one shopping center, you've seen a mall.

-- Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead-to-know basis.

-- Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.

-- Acupuncture is a jab well done.

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