some stuff

1 star Hangover *

No pain. No real feeling of illness. Your sleep last night was a mere
disco nap which is giving you a whole lot of misplaced energy. Be glad
that you are able to function relatively well. However, you are still
parched. You can drink 10 bottles of water and still feel this way.
Even vegetarians are craving a Cheeseburger and a portion of fries.



2 star hangover * *

No pain. Something is definitely amiss. You may look okay but you have
the attention span and mental capacity of a stapler. The coffee you
chug to try and remain focused is only exacerbating your rumbling gut,
which is craving a full on English breakfast. Last night has wreaked
havoc on your bowels and even though you have a nice demeanour about
the office, you are costing your employer valuable money because all
you really can handle is aimlessly surfing the net and writing junk
e-mails.



3 star hangover * * *

Slight headache. Stomach feels crappy. You are definitely a space
cadet and so not productive. Anytime a girl walks by you gag because
her perfume reminds you of the random gin shots you did with your
alcoholic friends after the bouncer kicked you out at 1:45 a.m. Life
would be better right now if you were in your bed with a dozen donuts
and a litre of coke watching Good Morning with Richard and Judy. You've
had 4 cups of coffee, a gallon of water, 2 Sausage Rolls and a litre of
diet coke - yet you haven't pee'd once.



4 star hangover * * * *

You have lost the will to live. Your head is throbbing and you can't
speak too quickly or else you might honk. Your boss has already
lambasted you for being late and has given you a lecture for reeking of
booze. You wore nice clothes, but that can't hide the fact that you
missed an oh-so crucial spot shaving, (girls, it looks like you put
your make-up on while riding the dodgems), your teeth have sweaters,
your eyes look like one big vein and your hair style makes you look
like a reject from the class picture of Moss side secondary school
circa 1976. You would give a weeks pay for one the following -

1. Home time

2. A duvet and somewhere to be alone.

3. A time machine so you could go back and NOT have gone out the night
before.



5 star hangover, aka Dante's 4th Circle of Hell. * * * * *

You have a second heartbeat in your head which is actually annoying
the employee who sits next to you. Vodka vapour is seeping out of every
pour and making you dizzy. You still have toothpaste crust in the
corners of your mouth from brushing your teeth. Your body has lost the
ability to generate saliva, so your tongue is suffocating you. You'd
cry but that would take the last of the moisture left in your body.
Death seems pretty good right now. Your boss doesn't even get mad at
you and your co-workers think that your dog just died because you look
so pathetic. You should have called in sick because, let's face it, all
you can manage to do is breathe... very gently.


............................................................................

On Thursday the 4th of May, at two minutes and three seconds after 1:00
> >in the morning, the time and date will be 01:02:03 04/05/06.That won't
> >ever happen again.

...............................................................................

We all know those cute little computer symbols called "emoticons," where:

:) means a smile and

:( is a frown.

Well, how about some "ARSEICONS?"
Here goes:


(_!_) a regular arse



(__!__) a fat arse



(!) a tight arse



(_*_) a sore arse



{_!_} a swishy arse



(_o_) an arse that's been around



(_x_) kiss my arse



(_X_) leave my arse alone



(_zzz_) a tired arse



(_E=mc2_) a smart arse



(_$_) Money coming out of his arse



(_?_) Dumb Arse